Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dive for the diva.


Omigod! This is so hot! I am nominated for "Blogress Diva"! I just wish the Gay Patriot would fix the typo in my name. But EEEEEEEEEK! Omigod!

I just want to say that I am not a conservative, so I can't quite understand why I should be put up for an award for a "Conservative Blogress Diva." I am non-partisan and independent. It's only small-minded misunderstanding that causes everyone else in the entire world except me to call me a "conservative." So much is obvious.

I am however quite clearly a "Blogress." Squeak! Tee-hee! Omigosh! I am the girliest Constitutional Law Scholar ever! Even more so than John Roberts!

Giggle! I am a DIVA! Worship at my shoes!

Of course, I am also too serious-minded to be remotely impressed by such frivolity, too much of a genuine feminist. That is why I won't gush.


Blogger Nim said...

I think it's very unhelpful that you've been accused of being partisan.

Having said that, you are the hottest conservative mama on teh net and I hope you crush that commie slattern Malkin.

8:28 PM  
Blogger Ann Altmouse said...

Nim, I'm glad to see you are engaging in honest self-reflection and picking up the quality of your comments.

8:41 PM  
Blogger ntodd said...

I'd hit it.

Uh...not sure if 'it' is nim or ann.

8:57 PM  
Blogger Phila said...

I think the word "blogress" lacks a certain euphony. Still, if anyone deserves to be a "conservative blogress diva," it's you.

I can defend my case with facts.

1. Despite having the razor-sharp mind of a constitutional law scholar, you're pleasingly giddy and girlish. A "feminist" CLS might be tempted to overplay her hand; in doing so, she'd be likely to intimidate men to the point where they'd be unwilling to listen to her analysis. By occasionally pretending to be some sort of non-threatening airhead who forgets what she's talking about in the middle of her sentences, you completely avoid this danger.

2. Emotional unpredictability is central to being a diva. By switching randomly from bland consumerist babble to ill-tempered authoritarian shrewishness, you give your readers that sickening rollercoaster-ride sensation they expect from their divas.

3. As it says in the Bible, "Who is like unto the Beast? Who is able to make war with him?" The fact is, you have no meaningful competition. Michelle Malkin is robotically partisan, she's not a constitutional law scholar of any kind, and - let's face it - she's some sort of foreigner. (Not that it's wrong to be a foreigner, but you know what I mean.) Also, she's not as smart as you, and she smells like fish emulsion and mothballs (or so I hear). Who does that leave? No one but you. It's a simple matter of arithmetic, or maybe statistics.

10:05 PM  
Blogger K. Ron Silkwood said...

Even though "Patriot" is used, that other site seems to belong to some people that one does not associate with authorities in constitutional law. They have their place, mind you; I am not one of those who casually discriminates against others. But, good heavens, they have their place in fashion, stage, and cinema, not as scholars. They failed to grasp that you are nonpartisan; what other things have escaped them?

Congratulations on your nomination!! I imagine that you must be ecstatic, in a reflective and thoughtful way. May you genteely crush the competition, like the little worms that they are, under the heel of your thigh-high boot.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Fred Woodston said...

With respect, I think you're too humble to be a diva!

5:09 AM  
Blogger watertiger said...

Here! A plate of eclairs for you! congratulations for your nomination!

6:24 AM  
Blogger Ann Altmouse said...

Phila, the key to my tremendous success is my profound self-knowledge, which is even deeper than my extensive knowledge of Constitutional Law. I hope you come to understand this process one day yourself. That is why I encourage you to engage in a process of honest self-reflection.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Ann Altmouse said...

k ron and fred, thanks! I am indeed a cooly aloof constitutional scholar who is also a gushy diva. That is why I am so savagely attacked by partisans, just like John Roberts.

9:11 AM  
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