Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Ryan Seacrest should be on the Supreme Court.

American Idol is back! Am I blogging it? Of course! What else would I have to do? I am sure I can finish this semester's syllabi and grade last semester's exams by April at the very least. Starbuck's is open late!

I broke down in tears when a cowboy named Garet Johnson, who has never been on an airplane or had any singing lessons, explained how he sings Elton John songs to his turkeys "because there is no people to sing to." He lives in a town where people do not like to hear cowboy turkey love songs. They are so partisan! The most touching moment came when he explained how he once told one of his turkeys, "I don't know how to quit you!" To quit singing Elton John songs to the bird, of course. I wept.

American Idol this season is like the Alito hearings. Samuel Alito is like a cowboy, singing his nonpartisan songs of Elton John to the Democratic "turkeys." But his songs of law need to be sung on the airplane of the highest court in all the land! And no "Senator Simon Kennedy" should stop him. I am weeping as I type this.

Did I mention I was a lawprof? Here is a picture of the Alito Cowboy. He is singing "Crocodile Rock." But he is a turkey and not a crocodile! What a hoot.


UPDATE: As a lawprof, I have to say that I have no sympathy at all for so-called "parody blogs." They are partisan snares! This person is in serious legal hot water. As a lawprof, I think he is in big trouble. And rightly so. What a partisan!

Did you ever wonder if "tungsten" would be a good name for a flavor of ice cream?

31 Comments:

Blogger Vicki said...

"Deep Thoughts" by Ann Altmouse.

9:23 PM  
Blogger ntodd said...

Your humanity moves me to tears.

9:27 PM  
Blogger Zap Rowsdower said...

I, for one, believe that American Idol is the most partisan show on TV.

You have three non-partisan partisans sitting in front of singing cowboys and nerds...giving their opinions!!

Television is supposed to be unbiased, dear Ms. Altmouse. If it were, we'd have more Golden Girls, and less Judge Judy.

I think that it would better you to reflect on your pictures of downtown Madison than to push such hot button issues.

9:31 PM  
Anonymous freq flag said...

Idol Hands Are The Partisan's Workshop.

However, if television has taught us anything, it's that Democrats are too partisan to be allowed to judge, ask questions, become lawyers (or proflaws), or run for political office.

So from now on, whenever a Democrat appears on some program like C-Span spouting their partisan nonsense, let's not listen!

10:15 PM  
Blogger Aspasia M. said...

Thank you for your erudite post Ms. Blogress.

But your statement, "Alito is like a cowboy" is a wee bit silly.

But you are very erudite, and, uh, educated...please, please don't delete me for my insolence!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Phila said...

Tungsten wouldn't be a good name for an ice cream flavor unless the ice cream were actually made with tungsten. Otherwise, it's just make-believe...why bother?

Phosphotungstic acid might be a good form to use, although it's mildly poisonous and damages sperm. If that worries you, try Di-tungsten tetra(hpp), which you can make by converting tungsten hexacarbonyl with 1,3,4,6,7,8-hexahydro-2H-pyrimido[1,2-a]pyrimidine (Hhpp) in o-dichlorobenzene at 200 °C to W2(hpp)4Cl2.

"Lapis Ponderosus" would probably be a more marketable name.

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Blogger Dick Durata said...

'Tungsten' has its charm, but I prefer 'Depleted Uranium'.

12:17 AM  
Blogger NYMary said...

As anyone who has read On Plymouth Plantation knows, turkey love songs--the necessary precursor to turkey sex--are a noble part of our American tradition. And not even partisan, because who was more fair, more open-minded, than the Puritans?

But then why would a blogging proflaw read On Plymouth Plantation? My mistake.

3:09 AM  
Anonymous svejk said...

"tungsten" has to be the most partisan, sexist name for ice cream that I have ever heard!

I love it

5:51 AM  
Blogger ntodd said...

I like Ben and Jerry's Pizazzy Zinc and Pistachio ice cream.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Ann Altmouse said...

Phila, you are on notice. Comments will be deleted unless you present an argument and not a nonargument. You need to be more like Sam Alito.

9:00 PM  
Anonymous freq flag said...

And do not even think about trying to sneak wolfram into this discussion...it is also a nonargument. Choose either Antonin Scalia or Clarence Thomas as a role model, and you will soon know the rewards of proflaw nonpartisanship.

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