Inspirational nostrils of dead celebrities.
Everyone loved Don Knotts, except the most vicious partisans. Good night, sweet Fife, and may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. His antics make me weep with helpless laughter even now.
The secret to Knotts's success was of course his nostrils. This is entirely proper. All the best dead celebrities had wonderful, flaring, majestic nostrils. Here let me present a parade of nostrils of dead celebrities. This is the first Altmouse dead nostril parade! What a hoot!
Look at how the nostrils distend! That is comedy. But also, strangely... wisdom.
And then we must contemplate the mighty face caverns of Darren McGavin. How they glisten!
But of course the sublimest dead nostrils of all are those which adorned the front of William Rehnquist's lawerly skull.
These nostrils are fascinating. The eyes may be the windows to the soul, but the nostrils are the doorways of the brain. Look at Rehnquist's mighty visage. Could one but extend one's middle finger -- reverently, of course, humbly! -- can one even imagine the wealth of legal genius and history one could but briefly touch? Of course you would have to push in pretty far. I would recommend applying plenty of petroleum jelly first.
It would be a wonderful and rare treat to so pick the brains of our dead legends.
The secret to Knotts's success was of course his nostrils. This is entirely proper. All the best dead celebrities had wonderful, flaring, majestic nostrils. Here let me present a parade of nostrils of dead celebrities. This is the first Altmouse dead nostril parade! What a hoot!
Look at how the nostrils distend! That is comedy. But also, strangely... wisdom.
And then we must contemplate the mighty face caverns of Darren McGavin. How they glisten!
But of course the sublimest dead nostrils of all are those which adorned the front of William Rehnquist's lawerly skull.
These nostrils are fascinating. The eyes may be the windows to the soul, but the nostrils are the doorways of the brain. Look at Rehnquist's mighty visage. Could one but extend one's middle finger -- reverently, of course, humbly! -- can one even imagine the wealth of legal genius and history one could but briefly touch? Of course you would have to push in pretty far. I would recommend applying plenty of petroleum jelly first.
It would be a wonderful and rare treat to so pick the brains of our dead legends.
posted by Ann Altmouse at 6:03 PM
6 Comments:
My creed has always been: you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' brains through their noses.
okay.
These faces are freaking me out.
Especially the Scalia skater.
Please don't make me look at their nostrils.
Ms. Altmouse:
You are too humble. Judging by the photo adorning your website you have the most beautiful nostrils of any dead celebrity.
Yrs
Bob
I'm more of a leg man. I hope I may still post here.
How can you ignore the Oscars? Just too non-partisan, even for you?
Could one but extend one's middle finger -- reverently, of course, humbly! -- can one even imagine the wealth of legal genius and history one could but briefly touch? Of course you would have to push in pretty far.
You could always try giving Ken Starr the middle finger treatment. Even though he's still alive, I imagine his genius is the next best thing.
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